Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
