did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
