wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
