oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
