my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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