just come out here and I will go home with you...
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
