Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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