i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
