I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
be right there i have to get my cape
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