She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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