i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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