Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
