Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
