When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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