The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Randomize
