i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
