that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Randomize
