Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
