I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
