Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
