I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize