Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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