Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
