that's an acceptable place to lick
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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