Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
