THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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