Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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