508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
