Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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