Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
