I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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