im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Randomize
