you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
