Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
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