Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize