I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
