Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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