wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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