You just made me feel so damn special
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
