i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
