TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
