You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize