I just made out with a guy for $7.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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