He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
