I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
