Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
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