They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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