Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I have already put on my inside pants.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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