I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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