Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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