at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
