Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
