ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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