Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
