dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
