So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
