i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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