My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
