Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize