No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Im part way to drunk.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
