I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
