you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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