I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize