He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
