why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
